Parent Panel

Disposition is something we talked about in past classes, but it was an idea that came to life after the parent panel.  We had to be respectful and empathetic to an individual whose viewpoints tended to insult us. Many members of the class chose the safe route and just didn’t speak to her. Disengaging is a wise decision (especially when you don’t have to be a part of the conversation), but what should we do when we have to react to an unpleasant situation off the cuff? I say situation too because  one of the promising practice sessions I attended showed how it won’t always be the parents whose viewpoints conflict with ours (see the second to last paragraph of my promising practice letter for more information). It is a vexing problem that just keeps coming up.

  For now at least, I am going to tackle the parent part of the equation. After really thinking about the content of the panel most of what we heard boiled down to some sort of an emotion. You heard the mother warn us that there would be plenty of hostility on the parent’s part because it is the parent’s job to protect their child. Less obvious was her desire to form a relationship with her child’s teacher again to ensure the best for her offspring’s education. Even after the panel, the story Prof. H told us about the worst parent her husband dealt with was a conversation born out of frustration. Thinking of conversations in this light, reminded of the discussions I had as an intern with the victim services department at the AG’s office. The content of most discussions varied based on if it was an assault, molestation, theft, or rape. However, I started categorizing victims based on their verbal response (i.e. hostile, calm, depressed, scared, etc.). For each categorization, I then created a sheet that had the best strategy for dealing with each kind of emotion given the line of profession I was in and then memorized it. When panicked myself (yes, I do poorly when people start crying in front of me), I find that pausing and taking a deep breath was just the transition I needed to address whatever situation was thrown my way and remember my strategies. Given the success I had with this method during my internship, I am tempted to create another list when I start teaching. I might even be able to start now given that some strategies for emotions are transferable across the board (i.e. when dealing with hostility it is best to disengage and give the speaker space). Still, I wonder what kind of categories teachers have for parents and what strategies they use when speaking with them?

I know before last week, one of my labels was “the helpful parent.” The label helpful was pretty one dimensional. Under this categorization the parent was willing to work with me to further the education of their child. Yet, we saw during the panel that the desire to further a child’s education can take many forms. One mother wanted the best for her child at the expense of others. While this same individual held a lack of appreciation for differentiation despite the fact that she has children who learns in different manners. Rather than celebrate these differences she spoke of them in a horrible manner, which I am willing to bet is something her child picks up on. At the same time, this mother is the head of the parent’s committee at CF and clearly wants to be involved in her children’s education. She is technically helping, but at the same time I hesitate to say she is completely helpful. Misguided might be a way to describe it. I say misguided because it seems some of her logical flaws did come from a lack of knowledge on the subject. For instance, in the hallway she made clear it that she had an extreme dislike of the inquiry project we observed the student teacher utilized because not everyone is learning the same thing .She went on to say later that we weren’t really seeing much teaching happening either. Right away this made me think about the “transmission mode” of teaching Wilhelm (42). Here the teacher has control of the class, but under this method the students merely regurgitate information. Also, the students are all technically on the same page then, but very low level learning is occurring as Wilhelm later shows. Yet, this is the type of education most people are used to seeing. I didn’t grow up with it and neither did the prior generation. So I don’t think most parents can see how useful inquiry can be during a short observation because of just how foreign it is and how subtle the learning really is until you talk to the students. Just because someone isn’t writing in their journal right away doesn’t mean they aren’t on task. Pausing to think through what is occurring next or asking a classmate about their work is still of value. The first is collecting their ideas (which might be done slower than their neighbor, but hey they are still thinking!). While the second was able to have a debate about what should be included in the project as both had different opinions. To be fair, the section we observed got off to a slightly slower start then I would have liked, but I appreciated what the lesson allowed for whereas this parent was too annoyed with everyone being at different points to really entertain the potential of the lesson. If the parent were to come to me with these complaints, the parent is technically trying to help her child. However, the class can see this complaint isn’t entirely accurate.

Before RIC, I may not have seen the potential in the inquiry lesson either though. Just this semester we read about UBD, Vygotsky, Inquiry, Book Clubs, and so much more. So I think it is important I realize just how much more information I am in possession of for I will need to really take the time to explain this knowledge to most parents and why this knowledge impacts how I am running a lesson. I will want to use some of the theories by name in order for them to recognize I am an authority on the subject, but at the same time I don’t want to make them feel like their opinion isn’t of value. In the situation above, I painted helping as confining to my ideas on education, which isn’t entirely the case. I need the parent input too because parents know many aspects of their child better than I do (they did raise them after all). So we need to work as a team. Prof H. mentioned that being on an equal playing field could spark a more constructive conversation, i.e. like when she spoke to parents at the laundry mate. So now I am wondering, as the lines become blurred what defines a professional parent/teacher relationship?

On some level this analysis just made me worry about parents more than I was before. It seems like there are more ways in which a parent could parent a challenge than I originally thought. So even though I am now a bit more hesitant to allow a parent in my class when I first start teaching, I think the student teacher who early let my group observe with the parent was on to something. We can’t shut the parents out because of how valuable their help can be to a classroom. So we have to let them in and figure out from experience how to handle the situation (my time at the AG showed me just how invaluable learning from discussion really can be).   

              Since I still want to learn as much as I can about parents before entering the field and I found some links I want to share with everyone. The first gives a categorization of some parents, a scenario, and a strategy to work with the parent. The second is solely for principals working with difficult parents. Even though it is principles, I found a good deal of the information transferable. A poignant section was the one that said to deal with parents, you need to deal with yourself first. Hope you guys enjoy!

1. http://teaching.monster.com/benefits/articles/9762-how-teachers-can-work-with-5-difficult-types-of-parents?page=2

2. https://www.nassp.org/portals/0/content/46790.pdf